THE RATTY AFGHAN

 

     Last night, my husband and I sat on our loveseat to read a book together, which was required for some training for Globe International. As usual, he likes the ceiling fan running, so in my usual fashion, I pulled my trusty afghan over me that has seen better days.

     I read the first chapter, then it was his turn. I tried to keep my focus, but I kept eyeing my afghan. 

     I had not really looked closely at this afghan until now. It was in terrible shape! This beautiful bright afghan I'd purchased years ago had been literally through the wringer of my washing machine dozens of times. I loved the splash of color that it added to the room, and I would not discard it. It was so soft, comforting, and familiar. It had seen me through many ups and downs as I snuggled in its warmth.

     I returned my thoughts to the chapter at hand, but I couldn't help but plot a solution in the back of my head. When we finished our studies, I began my work to restore this old friend to its former glory.

     Never once did I think of stuffing it into our garbage container, and yet it was not in any shape that I would consider giving it away either. 

     I remember the first day this beauty caught my eye as I browsed through a dry goods store. The afghan was a little pricey, but I wanted that tomato-red dash of color to compliment our brown leather couch for contrast. 

     When I placed my new find in our family room that first day, it really set the room off. Cozy and warm under my blanket, on that chilly evening, I stared into flames, jumping and crackling in our fireplace. 

     It was love at first sight. It still is, but I have to work to tame these scraggly pieces of yarn that have twisted and caught and taken others on their naughty journey of disarray. 

     It was nine o'clock, and our reading had finished. My husband headed upstairs to check his email while I went for the scissors. Pulling up the straying strands and snipping, I figured that this might take about thirty minutes.  

     At ten-fifteen, I was just finishing one side. I know myself. Since I have ADHD tendencies, when I have a mindless project like this, I have to stick with it while I am inspired, or I will find more interesting things to do that prevent me from returning to it for a long time. 

     After painstakingly working away for a long while, I admired the transformation of the first side. 

     I thought about how marriage relationships can get frayed over time due to the stresses and responsibilities life brings, especially during the child-rearing years. Couples frequently focus more on the children's welfare and happiness and tend to neglect their own.

        Life is tough and strains relationships over time, mostly because they involve two imperfect human beings. In our modern American society, our culture has made it easy to walk away rather than to stay and do the work it takes to cultivate a healthy relationship from one that is strained merely from lack of attention. 

     Over time, the energy of the relationship sputters almost to a halt, and the temptation is to blame the other spouse when life together is less than you want it to be. If both would remember the "why" of what brought them together, show mutual respect, and express love and gratitude every day, staying committed to the marriage and to each other would not become an issue.

     Other things can factor in like being absorbed by internet content, work, or not making time for moments where you can converse and focus on each other without other demands. 

     Often, I see couples out for dinner on the town, and as soon as the order is taken, the phones are whipped out. No real conversation. No eye contact. Or how about the man who will spend all the time thinking of clever things to say to the wait staff rather than trying to listen and respond to his own wife. 

     Just like allowing those snags to detract from the beauty of my afghan, simply forgetting the wonder of your spouse and looking them in the eye or letting them know they are the most important person to them this evening can bring a spark to keep the deep friendship and love into the forefront. This revitalizes both partners. These simple little gestures reassure each other of their importance. The result will cause you both to have a beautiful foundation for your family.

     For years, I overlooked the rattiness of my originally beautiful blanket. I never stopped to look closely because I was preoccupied with a book I was reading, conversations around me, or just closing my eyes and napping. Nothing was wrong with any of those activities, but I allowed my cherished afghan to deteriorate by not paying attention.

     After taking a few hours to snip and remove the ratty strands that went awry on the afghan, I discovered in astonishment just how beautiful, like new, this wonderful old friend of mine looked. I am no longer ashamed of it. It is a lovely decorative part of my living area upstairs where my red chair, red ottomans, and lamp set off my grey couch and black and white chair. It is such a great feeling to see the result of my work. 

     How much more important are all of our relationships. Things get ratty, I know. Sometimes repairs are not the answer, but for the most part, when both are willing to work; they can unearth the beauty, warmth, and comfort once enjoyed together. 

     Snip away at the misconceptions and embrace the truth. Cut off apathy and be intentional. Don't give up because of a tough spot. Keep at it, and you will find that over the years, you have cultivated a thing of beauty that just takes time. It takes getting your hands dirty. It takes pushing the easy way out and telling it to be quiet. It takes forgiving another; sometimes, the hardest of all is forgiving yourself. 

     It is never too late to renew those vows. It can only get better.   

     

     Isaiah 43:19 (KJV) "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

   

     P.S. I have to add this last part. I have been in abusive relationships. I am not condemning anyone who has experienced anything like that. I know too well about relationships that cross boundaries with disrespect for the covenant of marriage or of the other person. There are times when, due to abuse, whether physical, psychological, or emotional, one attacks another with no acknowledgment or desire on the offender's part to change. Without a resolution or a movement to care for one another mutually, over time this breaks down and is not a safe place to remain. To remain is unthinkable for the victim and the children. 

     In Matthew 19:8, Jesus mentioned that Moses allowed divorce due to the hardness of men's hearts. 

     

     But remember, if you are in a stale marriage or one that is repairable, give it first to God, bless it, bless your partner, and ask God for wisdom, grace, and mercy to love well. As you both work to restore your relationship, I assure you that you will eventually find your lost treasure trove.