Looking up at a starry night in the woods, out away from city street lamps, I relish this chance to be off-grid. It is almost as good as sitting alone in the moonlight on the Texas Coast. Letting go of the to-do lists, the laundryroom is far away, and good riddance. Though I love the convenience, I come to these spaces for respite, for a sense of freedom from the ordinary. The endless chores that have to be attended to because we live here among other humans.
If I lived off in the woods, would I rake leaves or would I let nature take its course? But here in suburbia, the HOA, neighbors, and city regs wave their batons and demand a certain look done by a certain time, or else. Hmmm... not today, no, not this week, I'm escaping all of that nonsense. I'm not their serf to jump at their beck and call. I'm flying free right now, and I may never go back.
Shelved notebooks full of ideas, stories started, and characters sketched stand neglected. Years of thoughts, emotions, memories, and dreams that once fired my pen to release my pent-up reflections, just looking back at me, wondering, when are you going to finish this? What good are we just hanging out where no one even knows that we exist? So many stories waiting to be released.
Dreams of books for children, but illustrator fees were out of reach with so many mouths to feed and clothe. Games to attend. Practices to run to and from throughout the busy years. Life was bursting with activity, voices clammering to be heard, and I was more than willing to listen. And with a glowing heart, I considered the goodness of life. Those days have come and gone. My flock has struck out on their own, and many are enjoying the ebb and flow of lives that matter to others.
So many years I looked up and leaned over to duty so my head would not hit the glass ceiling overhead. I would like to study law, but... I would love to write more, but... I would travel overseas, but...
I read other people's stories, their novels. I would see what so many have accomplished and what they had to show for it. I did not need a trophy for all that kept me doing the daily tasks, supporting other people's dreams, and helping them reach their goals. I was good with what I had done. But I am not done.
Now, I do not pull out my notebooks merely to reminisce about times long ago, where these words take me into memories long forgotten. Now, I stand tall. I breathe in the fresh air. Revived. I see the stars clearly now as they wink back at me. I dared to make a pact with myself, one I would not break. This was not someone else's bidding. This was my heart and my soul longing to soar. Before me, the pages stirred to be out there. Where the world would see and judge my craft, or lack thereof. No longer hidden. I read and watched, and now it was time to fly. That ceiling had to get out of my way.
Months ago, the final drafts and illustrations were created after many hours of back-and-forth, with detailed explanations of the art, endless corrections, and questions, so many questions to understand all the ins and outs of the publishing process. Research and tenacity pierced through any of my resistance to the unfamiliar.
The glass ceiling teased and let me see the dream, but at the same time, it was the barrier that kept me from lifting my head straight to see it through. I'm not a techie. Who am I to publish my family's and my own written words? There are so many hoops to jump through.
I take a deep, slow breath. I am on the other side now. My first children's book is published with verse and beautiful illustrations. A family memoir full of grins, reflections, and things gone awry while camping, off-grid, like me right now.
I see those stars above tonight so clearly without the smudges on the glass I used to gaze through. Ebooks, hardback, paperbacks, ISBNs, social media blurbs, and photos are all behind me until the next hurdle. My next books will stretch me again. Scarier still will be the business of taking all of this, my handiwork, face-to-face to the people.
But that is the clincher. I broke that ceiling doing the things I hoped for but never thought possible. Now is the time, and I am booting fear to the curb. No more. No more will you harness me and choke me, belittle me, and stop me. I have tasted life on the other side, and it is good. So much better than hot fudge sundaes or custard pie. Better than chicken dumplings even. This will not go away. I am not the same person tonight.
I stretched myself, and life is brighter. Breaking out and moving past my imagined limitations has awakened a sleeping giant. A treasure trove of words is waiting to be ordered and shared. No matter who cares or wants to read books anymore, my words will flow and be seen by the hearts that are meant to find my stories, and that is all I need to know. I am doing my part; the rest is up to them.
https://www.christiemariebooks.com
