LEANING

LEANING

     In 2014, my daring husband took a long journey to Costa Rica from our home in Texas. He drove our Expedition down there for our mission work. The journey through Mexico and Central America is not always safe, so we prayed a covering over him as he left and daily until he finally crossed each border.  
     One prayer warrior prayed over Jerry the night before he left and asked that God would make him invisible to anyone wanting to do him harm. Even our little four-year-old granddaughter prayed that God would send the angel mermaids to make him invisible. She had no idea what brother James had already prayed. It was like a confirmation. 
     On about the third night he and his friend Lanny, who drove a bus headed for Honduras, stopped around two in the morning to get a little rest. Jerry fell on his way to the room and cut a gash right above his wrist that was so deep, he needed stitches. He wrapped it with an old teeshirt to stop the bleeding.
     Jerry headed out for a bite to eat and noticed a family from outside who were walking. The water in the rooms poured out a dirty dark tan, so as he pulled out a bottle of Ozarka from his 24 pack, he offered some to them. 
     When they approached him, the mother noticed the bloodied shirt covering the wound and asked if she could pray for him. Of course, he agreed.  She pulled out a blue salve and rubbed it into the wound, then prayed. Immediately, Jerry noticed that the cut had closed up and within a few moments his skin was totally restored to normal. He went to show Lanny and looked up to thank them again, but they were already out of sight. We know this was a divine appointment for his protection from further complications.
     Wings of protection followed him through all of his border crossings; stops at hotels; drives in the dark before daylight; and around the hills up into the mountains until he finally crossed into the peaceful country of Costa Rica, where we use our vehicle for our services and conferences God opens up.  
     I am convinced of the love, goodness, and presence of our loving God wherever we go. We lean on God; He is faithful to protect and perform his promises. 

Deuteronomy 33:27 "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."


"Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms,
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms."  
(lyrics and music by Anthony Showalter and Elisha Hoffman) 

UNCERTAIN TOMORROWS

        Try as you may, figuring out a plan for the uncertain tomorrows can take a lot of energy and still...you will never really know in the space of time yet to come, not in this present moment, what will come your way. 

     I found myself considering different scenarios for my future and quite honestly, I was confronted with anxiety just thinking about all of the ins and outs of the various possibilities. Do I start my own pre-school? Do I begin a new business? Do I go into sales and work on commission? Do I cut my standard of living and giving and take a more low profile job? 
     Why all of this mental activity this summer? Well, I have to make a major decision that will affect me for the next ten months. 
     I have to decide which road to walk down this next year: to teach or not to teach. 
     Tomorrow is the deadline for any resignations: forty-five days before the first day that students arrive at school. I want to be free to write; to live free in the moment for my family; to come and go for ministry in Costa Rica; and to have a healthier lifestyle in mind, soul, and body. 
     The bottom line seems to hinge on money. I ask myself if this is the illusion of society and its brainwashing or is there is a better way to live than all of the ferocity that is demanded of me working for a huge organization that barely acknowledges my existence and my impact except to rate me by the status quo standards put forth for all students in Texas that my English language learners struggle to be competent with.
     I make good money. Don't get me wrong. Money is a blessing and can be used to benefit others and to allow us to reach out across borders to touch lives. I also know that I do impact lives positively and that my students do learn and are cared for in my little domain.
     Yet, stress is the enemy that attacks as I interact with some young people who seem somewhat jaded in their methods of interaction with adults and take their frustrations out on us. 
     For some of my students, it's the language of English that is a huge roadblock, but for others, they just aren't convinced that dissecting literature, writing to canned prompts, or researching for a prescribed format or grade is a meaningful use of their time. 
     Students struggle to understand why they are even in this rat race of public education and are tired of the defeat they find in this maze that seems to sort many of them into slots of frustration, failure, and eventually depression from a low self-image. 
     I've encountered kids who have experienced a life of suffering and who have not had their basic needs met.
     According to Maslow, safety, home, food, clean water, clothing, warmth, and rest are the foundation of our most basic needs. When these are met, the next level of needs are the psychological needs: close relationships with family and friends; then the icing on the cake is prestige and a feeling of accomplishment in their life, their worth, and hope for the future. 
     Here at the top are the self-fulfillment needs where individuals feel that their gifting, their passion, and who they are is impacting the world around them in a satisfying way, yet some are crippled who live without even the basics in life. They are left without a stable foundation to progress and have to fight each step of the way to complete their pyramid of life.
     Too many that have crossed my thresh hold have tried bravely to cope with their circumstances, and in the struggles, many have lost hope that any productive energy spent in these rectangular domains will profit them at all. Some are passive and go the way of least resistance: they go along with the game. Some enter into the fray and give back new insights and charge the atmosphere with life as they engage. A growing number react in anger or boredom striking out maliciously. 
     I see the plight of my charges. I wish I could gift them with insight and courage for their mind, spirit, and soul, but this is a painstaking task. Over time, brave men and women with generous hearts, quick minds, and endurance will gain ground with these fledglings, the future of our nation. 
     An extraordinary amount of energy and stamina are required daily to withstand verbal darts. Patience is frayed at times from attacks that have breached civility, so to counter creatively with options for learning or reasons for these teens to care it takes a renewed outlook and stepping back to get perspective. 
     All the while, we know they are young and their brains are still maturing, but teachers, being quite human need time to repair the damage. Thus summer break. So, here I sit.
     I've had three weeks off now, and it's time to reassess my store of stamina and courage. Twenty-four years experience and I've seen some change, but a lot has remained the same.  Yet each year the load of the job description seems to increase so as to bulge at the seams. What kind of super-human strength do TEA, the federal and state legislators, and central office administration imagine that we teachers possess?
     So, tonight is the night. Do or die, the decision to take on another bunch of diamonds in the rough is upon me, even though I still feel the pain, and I have not had the time to work out the kinks from the challenges of last year's adventure.  
     Love may be blind, but teachers go in with both eyes wide open. The workload is tough and thankless on most days. Most weekdays stretch into the late hours of the night finishing work that just has to be done for those next lessons. 
     Still, I remember written notes handed in from a few students who were grateful for success on their state tests and personal breakthroughs. Others wrote that they were thankful that I kept plugging away each day, prepared to teach no matter what had transpired the day before. 
     Many days I'd say, "This is a new day. It's the first day of the rest of your life. You can change the course of your life by the choices you make today." A few caught my drift, though this was not understood by all. 
     I smile as I recall a few recent immigrants who came to wish me well and say goodbye for the summer. Their eyes wistfully searched my face for a glimmer of hope that I might return in the fall, so they could request me if I taught senior English again. 
     Next year's duty calls for me to teach all four years of ELA to my students. That's a lot of preps. Well, I still am sorting through all of the pros and cons. Health, wealth, sanity, am I daring enough to brave either road? 
     And then, this morning's scripture for the day on my Bible app read: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34 (MSG) 
     
Update: As of August 2019, I am tutoring students in English and reading. I am also dedicating myself to writing and speaking.

Our present society does not pay a good teacher or an itinerate minister what they are worth, but one day...when the curtain falls it will be worth it all.





photo credit: Blurry Light Abstract, Free Images of Blurry, pixabay.com
        
          
     

GOLD

     

     GOLD

At the end of class, one of my freshmen turned around when I was assisting a student nearby and admired my bracelet. After a break in my conversation with the girl behind him, Chuy asked if my bracelet was made of gold.
     Stopping to grin and chuckle a bit, I reminded him that I raised six children. That is where most of my money went after rent, house payments, utilities, and groceries. There just wasn't money left over for even luxuries like sodas, snack food, or eating out much less for buying anything gold.
     "Right now, the only gold I wear is my engagement ring and wedding band. That's all the gold that I need, really," smiling as I replied.
     He flashed me his ready smile, but his furrowed brow at the end hinted that he was still wondering. 
     I imagine these days a lot of people think that gold is something to stockpile. In an attempt at security in a volatile world, they calm their fears by possessing as much as they can. 
     I spoke to one man from Vietnam, who told me that people there exchange their paper money to gold each month after payday because they have seen the economic system fail so often; paper money became worthless, leaving many broke. 
     Driving home from work this thought struck me: my children and grandchildren are my true gold. I invested my life, time, savings, and heart by sowing seeds of love, praying, and spending time with them. My hope was that they would grow into the thoughtful, hard-working individuals that they have become.
     What do I have in return? Pure joy. My heart is full and running over whenever I spend time with one of these precious ones that God granted me time with over the years. 
     As an empty-nester, my daughters and sons have grown up, and they've gone out upon their journeys, but I see the glitter and luster in the way they approach life, speak into their sons and daughters and touch the lives of others nearby. Who could ask for more?
     

Matthew 6:19-21 The Passion Translation (TPT)

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Don’t keep hoarding for yourselves earthly treasures that can be stolen by thieves. Material wealth eventually rusts, decays, and loses its value.[a] 20 Instead, stockpile heavenly treasures[b] for yourselves that cannot be stolen and will never rust, decay, or lose their value. 21 For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure.[c]

     
     

OUT OF CONTROL

Note: A ballad inspired by a near-death, life-changing experience.

It was dreary outside after leaving the church.

A few sprinklings of rain kissed my neck.

My feelings were mixed after the sermon that day.

The clouds hung heavy and black. 

Do I carry out plans to eat steak with this man?

Do I keep the date? Do I backtrack?

Or cut it off, today it might be right.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

I glanced at the sky, it was as if it replied.

With that ominous glare and attack.

Set my phone on the seat of my red SUV.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

The long line of cars further slowed me down.

Overthinking with time that relaxed.

Thoughts nagged me to go home and turn right around.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

The longer I knew this entrepreneur.

Uneasiness, I admit the fit’s bad.

Doubts fly like bats in my head at night.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

The lightning struck terra from high in the sky.

Underlining the answers I lack.

Thunderous booming, waves fell from above.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

I-35 was a-flood to behold.

Torrents blew blinding me; wanting to slack.

Trucks, cars, and trailers raced through.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

Then to my surprise, I flew to the right.

Floating swiftly across two of three tracks.

Out of control, nothing I could do.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

Hitting the grass, I now faced them down.

I thought this ride would be my last.

Somehow I skidded and missed every truck.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

After curious motorists stopped to inquire.

After my racing heart didn’t attack.

With closed eyes so grateful for the gift of more time.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

Slowly, so slowly, not caring how slow.

I headed for my destination.

We walked in together to order our dinner.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

No worried look, an, “Oh, too bad.”

Then changed the subject right back.

I saw clearly that moment what I needed to see.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

I rested my knife, my fork on my plate.

I looked him right in the eye.

“Is that all the better you care for my terror?”

The clouds hung heavy and black.

He asked, “What’s the matter? You need me to flatter?”

Said I, “No, but think what might’ve been.”

Those bats flapped their wings, as I felt the sting.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

Calmly I smiled and bid him goodbye.

He knew without me a saying.

The back of me leaving would be the last he’d see of me.

The clouds hung heavy and black.

Note: My seniors were struggling with their ballad project, so I brainstormed in front of them to let them see how quickly ideas could be written and in ten minutes or less that led to three and a half stanzas. I encouraged them and said just stick to it and tell your story.

So here is mine that I finished. From back when I was a single parent, dating some frogs before I found my prince.

Moral of the story... listen to those bats flying around at night. When you have doubts, there is surely a reason... do not ignore the voice of God when he pricks your conscience. It is best not to settle, but to live His best.