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Saturday, May 6, 2017

WOMAN, JUST WHO ARE YOU?

Clutching my binder to my chest, I hiked home from McCulloch Junior High making strides to get home as soon as possible. Normally, I was tempted to stop at the neighborhood drugstore to buy some Bazooka bubblegum or some other penny candy. But today, I could hardly wait to get home.

As soon as I opened the front door, I rushed up the stairs and plopped on my bed with my new yearbook clutched in my hands. I eagerly turned the pages to find the autograph section at the back. I could not wait to see who had signed my book which I passed around at school, but even more than that, to see what they had to say about me.

Fun to be around. 
A cool girl.
Have a neat summer.
Hey there.

Rather than the affirmation of the depth of my soul and heart, I read trivial generalities. Quite a disappointment.

Slowly, I laid the book aside. I rolled on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Tears welled up and I wondered when I would hear the words I longed to hear. That I was amazing, beautiful, a deep thinker, the life of the party.

I should not have been surprised. I did not spend hours talking with these kids or sharing times at their homes or mine. These were kids passing me in the hallway, sitting by me in class, or practicing in choir and musicals with me. 

Today, I have several dear friends and family who get me. They really know my essence and they let me know my worth to them. Their words shared to bless me are cherished.

Yet, I am even more thankful for the ever present encouragement I have received through the years as I discovered how valuable I am to the Creator of the Universe. He has always been there as my source. He knows my inner beauty and along with it, he sees my scars and weaknesses as well. Yet, he holds me tight and will never let me go.

I am.
I am loved.
I am worth loving.
I am priceless.
I am a princess.
I am a darling daughter.
I am destined for greatness.
I am love, for he is love and he is in me.
I am full of promise.
I am not the same today as yesterday.
I am better for the wear.
I am a delight.
I am a shining beacon to someone who is lost.
I am a bearer of the image of God.
I am a beauty.
I am a joy.
I am content.
I am free.

As I read Captivating again, by John and Stasi Eldridge, my eyes opened to truths that God wanted me to remember. He is so patient with me. God says so many wonderful things to me through His word and personally to me through the Holy Spirit, but it seems that I have a very short retention time for the truth concerning who I am. Thank you for the reminder.

He makes my feet like hinds feet and sets me upon my high places. Psalm 18:33 (NASB)

DO NOT RUSH


Do not rush
      Do not rush headlong
            Do wait
                  Do wait patiently
                       Expecting good things.

Costa Rica is on our minds these days. Language school is the next step for us which will involve several months of immersion as well as schooling. We are willing and ready, but our finances are not.

We tried it our way. We put up our house for sale twice over the past two years. Other homes sold in the neighborhood that were not as large as ours, some for more and some for less. It was not our time it seems.

We moved back in after renting it out. In our hearts, we were willing to give it all up to head south to our destination, Atenas, Costa Rica. 

We let go of any attachment to material possessions and family and have been surprised that we are now back in our home and waiting to hear and do the will of God.

We have had questions that we put before the Lord concerning his plans. 

Waiting has been difficult for both Jerry and me, we are people of action. Yet, this time has been fruitful. We have ridden the roller coaster of emotions concerning our future and we are just resting in Him now and have thrown out our expectations and are waiting to discover his.

This is the life. One day at a time. Dreaming, trusting, breathing in the beauty of each moment knowing that this is what God wants us to be experiencing right now.

Tomorrow will come soon enough with its own new challenges and joys. For now, I will be grateful for all that I have today. My cup is full.

Consider it a sheer gift friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
James1:2-4 (MSG)