Psalm 27:13-14 (NASB) I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.
All my tomorrows flew off in a grey mist,
Somewhere beyond the reach of my palm.
Beaconing me, but too shattered to dare,
I believed that my dreams would soon disappear.
Catching a glimpse of You from out of my eye,
You called out, casting furtive glances my way.
Perhaps due to second thoughts about being spotted,
I shuddered that I almost waved your Divine self off.
My brow wrinkled. I wondered if I viewed a mirage.
So many friendly faces changed growing distant or sour.
Did this kindly phantom know the depths of my heart?
Could you feel me so deeply? Could you ever comprehend?
Would I repel you with my earnest desires for truth,
Or for principles and dreams to which I aspire?
The depth of my innermost passion has always been,
To reach fulfillment of all that God created in me.
My lofty pursuits, the desires of my heart
Have given my suitors quite a rough start.
Am I truly odd then, how may I then know
If there are others with this ache, a yearning to grow.
Years have passed by with only occasional clues.
Just what have you put me here on this Earth to do?
Tarnished and dented, I stumble on through.
You haven't forgotten, or discarded me, true!
Tentatively I stretched my arm through the haze.
In return, you enclosed and warmed my chilled hand.
Kind words massaged and soothed my heart once again.
Strength germinated within. You just wouldn't let go.
You never despised, when doubts arose with a fright.
In the middle of heartache, fresh healing you brought.
You hovered and covered and caught those shed tears.
Abiding love stilled the tempest. Peace and joy tuck me in.
I started this poem in 2004 and I just ran across it in an old notebook this week. After some brushing up and a few verses more, I think I will let you take a peek.
We have all struggled through the "pits" in life. I am enjoying THE BLESSED LIFE study from Gatewaypeople.com (under media on their toolbar). It is a study on 10 character tests we have to pass in order to move from dreaming dreams to fulfilling and living our destiny here on Earth. I want to pass these tests, don't you?
Looking back at my life's ups and downs, it is easy to see how God was there encouraging me on and hoping I would "get it" and move on to the next lesson in becoming a warrior child of his.
I am thankful for such tough love that never fails me. Love so amazing and so cherished. I am living a perfect life with an awesome God. The ups and downs are still with me, but the filter and lenses he has given me allow me to see that there are better things in store everyday. I just have to become aware of what is really going on and to trust that each part, with the good and the bad, that it is all part of my life's tapestry he is weaving.
Note: The photo at the top are my pride and my joy! These are my six lovely children gathered rather miraculously for a reunion, which was encouraged and orchestrated by my beautiful daughter, Audrey, who has a heart of gold.